Angelica Biddle – on an ethereal hangover.

Los Angeles, California
November 24, 2000

Hi,

My mind is even less clear than it was when I last saw you, at 9:37 a.m. Remember? I was lying down, asking you not to go to work because I couldn’t move? After that, and still in very much the same state of mild ungrounded fear, I drove my father to the airport, quite distracted and feeling as if every street was chosen for me already, like the car was on tracks, and that absolutely nothing in the world is any less ethereal than how I feel today, with my simple hangover. Every interaction I’ve had since has confirmed that. Am I carrying it with me? I can hardly describe it. My foot has been asleep the entire day.

In the car, Hal asked me if my vague inattention was due to my period, and it was so disconcerting I almost drove off the road. We’ve never lived together! Our protocol is specific, and that was a breach. He also asked me if Jerry was gay, because his handshake was floppy; I thought about that and laughed after I dropped him off. I had forgotten to laugh when he asked, I just answered crossly. I told him so many times that Michelle and Jerry have been together for years, and while I suppose it’s true you can be with a person of the opposite sex for a long time and still be of a different persuasion, I don’t think that’s the case there. It’s such a floppy thing anyway to me, being gay or not gay, or temporarily un-gay. That’s how I feel, personally; except with you it’s a very extended remix of un-gay. Do I show that with every handshake?

Another funny thing he said was that yesterday he was really angry at me for telling him that Douglas, his friend who lives down here by himself in a big, carpety house in the Valley, couldn’t come to Greely Thanksgiving. He thought I was “running a power trip.” But then he arrived as My Dad Hal, greeted by the many Greelys, and Jim, and Rich, and I guess he realized it’s not so easy to casually bring a friend, simply because the house was filled to capacity. As I drove he said, “Yes, dig it; I had a wonderful time and you were right.” I know that was hard for him to say, and I savored that for a moment.

I think his flippant attitude towards party hosts is a combination of being raised in a big, wealthy family in Texas in the ’50′s and being what he is now, a hermetic cab driver who rarely has a domestic interaction. All things not of the hotel/bachelor lifestyle are foreign to him, including, I suspect, all men that live in houses (except Douglas, because he lives alone and drinks himself silly every night. Last I saw him, he was under house arrest for several DUI’s. Definitely macho. He plays Go well, takes Jim Beam straight, and makes cutting remarks).

After dinner, Hal saw the Simpsons for the first time and his world was rocked. He really likes you, he rocked back and forth a bit when he said it was good meeting you, and he said you were “good company.”

I can’t wait to see you in five hours. We’ll drive around, looking for records, go downtown, take a walk. I love you.

oxxoa